Like (almost) everybody else, I love the holiday season.

If everyone was as polite year round as they are for a 30 some-odd day stretch, the world would be a much better place…well, if you exclude all the psychos in the stores.

I’m a 20-something bachelor, which means a few things: George Foreman is a deity in my eyes; up until about four years ago, the word “wedding” was worse to me than some four-letter words; and I Christmas shop around Dec. 23 every year. I don’t wait until the last minute because I lack Christmas spirit. I hold off for one reason and one reason alone: Christmas shoppers are the vilest, most evil people walking the Earth outside of the casts of every reality show ever, SEC football coaches and that dude who laid out Snooki last week on "Jersey Shore."

I’m sure you’ll all seen them: fighting over sweaters with reindeer on them when they know people hate getting clothes for Christmas, screaming at the top of their lungs about “Hannah Montana;” and getting up at the butt crack of dawn the day after Thanksgiving to save $3 on an MP3 player.

I was walking through a big box store — the name rhymes with “Mest My” — a couple weeks ago, and I swear I saw a man get tased by a 68-year-old woman because she had to have the last blu-ray copy of “District 9” for her grandson.

Why can’t people keep their cool when they’re in the mall during the holidays? My Mom is a serial shopper. She never met a sale she didn’t like, yet this is the only time of year she has tales of terror. It’s really not that difficult to devise a plan of attack for hitting the mall, yet millions of people unleash their inner Ebenezer Scrooge or Cruella De Vil and make fools of themselves during what is supposed to be the best time
of the year…next to college football season, of course.

I made up my 11-person shopping list about a month ago. It contains everyone’s name and what I want to buy them. I know of a number of stores that hold each gift, so I won’t go all Jack Torrance on some unsuspecting retailer who already hates their job if one store doesn’t have something on my list. I also have back-up gifts on the list, and I clear an entire day so I can devote as much time as needed to my search.

I understand people are adamant about getting the “perfect gift” for someone — usually because it’s asked for. But if you really know that person, it’s easy to have second and third gift options because you pay attention to what they like, their interests and tastes. If that person has a gripe about what you get them, they should be off your Christmas list altogether, or you should buy them nothing but Ben Affleck movies every year for as long as you know them.

I know it’s said a lot, but Christmas has become over-commercialized. I haven’t asked for anything since before I left home for college almost nine years ago. That was due more to the fact that I knew I’d need things earlier in the year, but you get the
point, right?

Family, friends, eating way too much food and laughing at your drunk uncle should be the focus of the season, not which sibling can get mom and dad the best gift because you know they’ll love whatever you buy as long as you put some thought into it. If you can’t afford to spend exorbitant amounts of money on someone, I’m sure you’ll think of something they’ll love that fits your budget.

So it really is the thought that counts when it comes to any gift; and since the NFL, college basketball and the college football bowl season are in full swing, I THOUGHT about buying everybody on my list gift cards and popcorn tins. I put a little more thought into it than that, though, so hopefully the people I had to shop for will be happy…because I threw out all my receipts.

Merry Christmas, everybody!